Relax - The one with the Ménage à Trois

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JOANNE'S JOURNEYS: day 3
Straits Times Online Editor Joanne Lee shares about her 'grueling' one-week detox holiday in Koh Samui in this exclusive blog feature.

YES, you read right: I had a ménage à trois today.

I didn't sleep too well last night - my insomnia probably worsened by the detox shock. So after all the morning unpleasantries were out of the way (ie. my second colonic irrigation session which was marginally less upsetting than the first one yesterday), I was treated to what Claire calls "a four-hand massage".

Essentially, instead of enjoying the attentions of one masseuse, you get the attentions of two!

Working in tandem, they mirrored each others' moves and strokes in perfect synchronisation and pressure, it was probably one of the best massages I've ever had in my life. Apparently, Absolute Sanctuary (http://www.absolutesanctuary.com) offers one of the best four-hand experience in Koh Samui. Claire was telling me she'd tried the Thai specialty elsewhere and the lack of synchronisation in timing and pressure really throws you off, something I can imagine.

I'm getting spoiled here: My first four-hand massage and I'm already learning to frown on out-of-sync thumping! This is something I'm definitely going to try once more before the week is out.

Absolute Sync.
[Photo: Joanne Lee]

Janice actually woke up for a class of Flow Yoga in the morning and was waiting for me by the pool after my ministrations were over. She went on to regale me about what she'd tried on the menu in her three meals since (THREE!) and I was beginning to get really obsessed about food. So I took my mind off my growling stomach by getting some sun.

I'm gonna soak up the sun.
[Photo: Joanne Lee]

I've been reading a bunch of books on mental health recently - Schizophrenia, Multiple Personality Disorder, Munchausen by Proxy Syndrome and other mental illnesses - and Janice, my own personal quack doctor, said that I should really give my mind a break with what sports people call a "pattern interrupt". To sporty types, it means a change in their training patterns. To me, I was forced to read some other genre.

So the book I read today was the start of Karen Marie Moning's Fever series: A thriller series about humans versus Fae. Fae are the mythical immortal otherworldly race stemming from Irish culture that people mistake for fairies. Okay, never mind. Janice gives me a weird look when I reveal what I'll read next on my Kindle too.

Well, I think she's weird too, so we're even-stevens.

Getting stuck in a good book and a coconut.
[Photo: Janice Lee Fang]

That evening, we decide to dress up a little to go to The Love Kitchen - Absolute Sanctuary's only restaurant. It's a bit of a celebration: I've decided I cannot do this full-on seven-day liquid fast any longer. Yes, diet fail.

But though I'm somewhat giving in to my hunger pangs, I'm going to eat raw vegetables - something Claire said I was allowed to do if I was on the "living foods diet" without disrupting my Ultimate Detox plan too radically. So I've decided to have a least one meal of raw veggies a day - a huge deal on my part, given my loathing for vegetables.

Guess who wasn't helping?
[Photo: Joanne Lee]

Yes, after her multiple meals that day already, she was having a Greek salad and a huge helping of chicken with grilled veggies. You wouldn't think she was my friend - let alone my blood relation - to do this to me.

Meanwhile, I was waiting impatiently for my target: Nori rolls!

Sushi with a distinct difference.
[Photo: Joanne Lee]

Okay, so Japanese nori handrolls usually have soya-sauce-soaking rice in there and some yummy raw fish. Mine didn't have any of that. Mine were filled with carrot shreds, cucumber slims, peppers, a bit of tofu, ginger and some lettuce.

In my past life (past, as in, before yesterday), I would have dismissed this as "rabbit food". Give me beef hor fun, ban mian, spaghetti bolognaise, Carl's Junior, whatever. Just don't give me rabbit food.

But tonight, rabbit food is my highlight and I polish the rolls off with rabid delight. (I suspect, the soya sauce does ameliorate the taste somewhat.)

Total-fast diet fail.
[Photo: Janice Lee Fang]

Satiated. Now that's a word I would never have associated with vegetables before.

I guess this means I've failed my diet - the ultimate fasting one, anyway - in record time: On Day Two.

Ah well, I never really believed in diets anyway. Goodnight!

- Missed the earlier blog entries, read them here:
Day 1 - The one about the last hurrah
Day 2 - The one about "absolut" of a very different kind

- Stay tuned for day 4's blog entry when Joanne encounters some ugly resort guests, whose brash and topless behaviours gets her piqued.

The one with the Ménage à Trois

By Joanne Lee, AsiaOne | Mon, Aug 24 2009

Instead of enjoying the attentions of one masseuse, you get the attentions of two working in perfect synchronisation.

Keywords

koh samui

detox